if i jump would you jump with me?

if i fall, would you be there to catch me?

if i stumble, would you carry me?

if i run, would you run with me?

if i dance, would you dance with me?

if i sing, would you sing with me?

if i laugh, would you laugh with me?

if i cry, would you be there to comfort me?

in your eyes i see me, happy, free,

but then you hurt me when you answered,

that you refuse to be with me.

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softly you speak words i long to hear

whisper in my ear those sweet things you always say

i can't believe how i wanted you to be always near

you are the only one who made me feel this way.

touch me now, i am trembling

hold me now, please, i pray

i need you here with me, by my side

come here, please just stay.

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05_Without_You.mp3 Listen on Posterous

i can listen to this song all day - all night long.

the first time i heard this song, i immediately fell in love with it, and from then on, i just can't stop listening to it, its on repeat on my ipod, im addicted, yes i am! lol.

apparently, this song is original by aj rafael, a fil-american singer/songwriter. this is about a person fighting for someone who has cancer, who can't go on a day without that person. i love the song's message, i really really do! 

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i hate it when something brings up memories of my past. no matter how hard i try not to remember, i fail. but when im already thinking of it, i still feel happy. its like hating and loving it at the same time. i hate it when a certain movie brings back the pain, but then, as i reminisce, i find myself smiling. smiling and crying the same time. i hate it when a certain song makes me a remember a day that i wanted to stay forgotten, but then as i dwell on it, it gives comfort, but still gives me pain. 

how could a certain movie, song, or a thing hurt me so much? i thought time heals all wounds, i thought keeping myself busy makes me forget, and i thought forgetting will make me happy, but i was wrong. all these pretentions is hurting me, day by day, and no one can save me, even myself. 

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oh why did i forget to post here? haha..funny..

so today was jill's birthday, a flatmate, we had a party with friends and workmates.. it was really fun.

today was also my moms birthday so i baked a chocolate cake for her..yummy!

See the full gallery on Posterous

happy birthday to jill and mom!

i love you both!

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this is the time of the month that i hate to come.. my monthly period..besides the terms, "ouch", "eww", and "geez", this is also when my mood swings are really worse.

can i just skip this week and get this over with? 

wahh, and this really hurts, i cant even sleep well.

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i am finding out that maybe i was wrong

that i've fallen down and i cant do this alone

stay with me, this is what i need please.

sing us a song, and we'll sing it back to you.

we could sing our own, but what would it be without you?

i am nothing now, and it's been so long

since i've heard the sound, the sound of my only hope

this time i will be listening

this heart it beats, beats for only you

my heart is yours..

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just now, my room mate asked me if i have ever wore a two piece swimsuit, or if not, would i ever consider wearing such. and i said, maybe i would wear the upper part as is but i would definitely wear shorts rather than that bare one. i dont know, i just think its just too much for me, wearing only that. besides, i dont have much to show off. haha.

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this was my status on my facebook account. 

i just miss my husband and my baby so much. i cant wait to have my annual vacation leave to be with them. and this is killing me..

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so i just took a bath a while ago and after i finished taking a bath, i headed to our room where i am alone (coz my roommates are on duty) and i suddenly faced the mirror.. and there i was, staring at myself. i do not have the figure that i once loved before and i do not have the flawless skin that i once took a lot of care when i was still single. 

when i got pregnant, i had a very sensitive pregnancy. on my first trimester, i had Hyperemesis Gravidarum which gave me a really hard time. on my second trimester, i had preterm labor, which really scared me because i do not want to lose my baby, but fortunately, it was controlled. and on my third trimester, i had Urticaria of pregnancy and left scars that are visible until now.

when i stared myself at the mirror, i remember myself when i was pregnant and suffering from this urticaria which is by the way, driving me crazy because of its severe itchiness. my husband always tells me that it will go away after giving birth and i should just remember that the one causing this urticaria to me is our precious baby. 

so now, these are what is left of it, my scars, my stretchmarks, and my fats. but what the heck, i dont care that much. 

what matters most is what you are inside. your attitude, the way you treat others, and the way you see yourself as a whole. i may not have the most beautiful skin anymore but it doesnt make me less of a person.

i am still beautiful, no matter how ugly others see me.

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